STEVE EVANS poetically speaking
WEDDINGBELLSANDCOCKLESHELLSWEDDINGBELLSANDCOCKLESHELLS
So my daughter announced her intention to marry. This set in motion a flurry of verse. It was to be a beach wedding, barefoot in the sand.
The Nellie Gerl
She's ma only dotta (Scots)
So glad I gotta
If truth be known
She's a wee nutta
If she'd bin a dug
They mighta shotta
If she was ink
Nae doubt they'd blotta
Wot a rotta
Ye crabbit old snotta
Tae tok that way
Aboot your dotta
Wash yer mooth
That's no the truth
Yer bletherin' shite
Like Barry White
She's the apple
O' yer aye
Stuck in there
Like a stye
She's your werld (Liverpool accent)
Your outta space
She's your gerl
Your amazing grace
She's the bobble
On your jumper
She's the cobble
That bent your bumper
Ar' kid
We call her Nellie
Little Steff
Sweeter than jelly.
Sweet Bird of Paradise
Sweet bird of paradise
Such dreams you entice
Perched on your coloured glass roost
High over those you've seduced
Rocking gently in summer's breeze
Your long tail feathers tailored to please
With freedom in the skies to play
You prey upon our minds today
A shock of colour on a swaying perch
These are the people this is the church
Let bells ring out across the land
Standing barefoot in the sand
A fragile beauty scattered with rice
Visions of vivacity, sweet bird in paradise.
Skies Above
Skies above speak of love
Seas below wash and flow
Clouds between drift and dream
Through a porthole all is seen
Silver wings slice the air
Time and space take us there
Sun and sand's where we're led
To see my only daughter wed
The Journey is Swift
A Reading during the service:
You are my daughter
You are my son
For Both of you now the voyage has begun
Today you joined hands
Today you joined lands
Together you step on to life's golden sands
You are the sun
You are the moon
Both of you are the flowers of spring in bloom
Today is the day
Today we can say
Together you step on to life's motorway
You are my daughter
You are my son
For Both of you faith’s in the future to come
Life is a gift
Love is a treasure
The journey is swift
Your two hearts are its measure.
My Little Girl
On the day my daughter wed
Salt water tears from tear ducts bled
Spilling out from behind closed eyes
In that moment I realised
I watched my little girl morphose
Standing there in bridal clothes
Gentle words from me were said
While holding back the tears I shed
Listening to the vows she made
All grown now, old memories fade
My little girl in all this world
Reeling while these feelings swirled
From when I held her above my head
Keep her safe, to God I pled
A baby then, a woman now
Listen while she makes her vow
Close my eyes this liquid stings
Witness them exchanging rings.
An Ode to the Bride and Groom
at every wedding there's a speech..
Do I lose a daughter
Or gain a son
That's the question
I've been dwelling on
We always wondered
If she'd manage to find
Someone to love her
And treat her kind
The worry was
She'd pick an arse
Who'd ruin her life
As well as ours
Then came Simon
Caspers’ ghost
And I thought 'why aye man'
He's better than most
He could have been smart
Or good looking I suppose
He might have been fit
With a distinguished nose
But we'll take him as he is
Geordie accent an' all
Head in the clouds
But he’s quite good on the ball
And you never know under the skin
There might be great qualities
Hidden within
He does like a tab
And a flutter or two
He drives his own cab
And he loves a brew
So he's chose as his bride
Our feisty wee daughter
The angel of the north
And all that we taught her
A wise man many may think
Or a lamb that's led to the slaughter
Steph was in old Aberdeen
When he came on the scene
So he had to travel far
In a souped up little car
While she trained to be a teacher
Such a brainy wee creature
I have to confide
The apple of my eye
And the thorn in my side
But today all we see
Is this beautiful bride
So Simon took her to stay
Down Newcastle way
Where he taught her to speak
Like a duck with no beak
'Hey man'
I've heard her say
When the world and its dog
Weren't going her way
He's certainly opting
For a pressurised life
By choosing our Steph
As his awful wife
Sorry, lawful wife
They've already started
A family affair
With Lacy and Leo that fine little pair
So all of the best
On your journey ahead
Too late now
To choose freedom instead
But if there is a recipe
For loving bliss
It might go something
A bit like this
Keep your ears open and your mouth firmly shut
Always smile widely
And nod like nut
Remember woman
Can't be explained
So never try
And never complain
The last one
Is probably the hardest to do
But if you master the art
Life'll be much easier for you
And if you ever ask what's wrong
And she says 'nothing'
Work it out quick
Because it's a trick
And she's sizing you up for a coffin
If you can master
These rules
Before it's too late
Then you'll delay your trip
To the pearly gate
And if you've wondered
Why men often go first
Here's a little fact
I can put you onto
It's no medical thing
Or a genetical spring
It's as simple as this
It's because we want to.
But a word to the wise
So it's not a surprise
In the years that are yet to come
Look at our Steph
Then look at her mum
And if it's true what they say
That they turn out the same way
Then today your goose may be cooked
Because Simon my lad
Speaking as her dad
If that's how it works
Then you’re f*cked.
