STEVE EVANS poetically speaking
Big Tam, A Space Odysey If Major Tom Was Scottish
A spaceman farted in his suit
He couldnae get the flavour oot
"Ground control tae big Tam”
“Yer messin up oor readings man"
But Tam wis floatin' roond in space
Wi' a distant look upon his face.
“Big Tam, check yer plugs an’ sockets”
“Ye’v fired aff the booster rockets”
“It wisnae me” said Tam
“Ma honds wur in ma pockets”
“It’s they protein pills I took”
“Ma stomach’s all tae f**k”
“Tam, there’s nae pockets in that suit”
“You must hae blown the linin’ oot”
“Now ye’r headin’ past the moon”
“Can yer turn the engines doon?”
“Or you’ll shoot out intae space”
“An’ leave the human race”.
“Ground Control fae Big Tam”
“A think it’s time tae tak a final dram”
“The world is looking very sma’”
“An a amnae feeling’ guid at a’”
“Tam that looks like the sun’s corona”
“Nah Control it’s linked tae this aroma”
“An a think the ship is gonnae blow”
“So please let everybody know”
“Tell everyone oan the planet”
“An’ especially ma wife Janet”
“Tell them a’
“What happened here”
“Eminatin’ fae ma rear”
“It wisnae a cosmic mystery”
“But it wis the greatest fart in history”.
“An’ may God’s love be”
“Wi’ me”
